a person sitting happily in lotus position


Let the intellectual debates begin! These two enjoy having lively discussions that outsiders might refer to as "arguments," but for them, it's typically enjoyable and amusing.

Both people here love to explore and test their theories (about anything), which sometimes requires large blocks of time alone.  Fortunately, both understand the other’s need for solace and protect each other from frustrating interruptions in their alone time.

INTJ’s usually share the same sense of humor and tend to encourage each other to relax (a contrast from other same-personality-type combinations). Both place a high value on personal and professional competence and tend to respect each other’s aspirations in life. 

You both live similarly organized lives and appreciate timetables, to-do lists, and organizational frameworks. If you share a space, it's probably well-kept and organized. Even though you may occasionally disagree on the best way to arrange something, you both value the process of putting structure in place and will usually enjoy working together to set up processes.

Blind spots here are similar to any same-type pairing - they are susceptible to reinforcing each other’s weak points and self-indulgent behaviors instead of focusing on growth.  They are critical in the same ways, which can further isolate them or cause tension in the relationship. Further, since INTJ’s share perspectives and strengths, they often compete over who can perform their mutual strengths better.

Overall, despite these risks, if they understand their personality type and are dedicated to self-improvement, this couple can support each other because they are headed in the same or a similar direction.

love birds and hearts floating above them

Positives of an INTJ-INTJ Relationship:

Deep Intellectual Connection: Both INTJs appreciate deep intellectual discussions, and enjoy exchanging ideas and theories. This shared love for knowledge can be a strong bonding factor.

Independence and Respect for Privacy: INTJs value their independence and have a strong respect for personal space. They will understand and respect each other's need for alone time.

Effective Problem-Solving: Both INTJs approach problems logically and objectively. They will likely share a similar approach to solving problems and making decisions, leading to effective communication and understanding.

stormy clouds

Challenges of an INTJ-INTJ Relationship:

Emotional Understanding: INTJs can struggle with understanding and expressing emotions. This could lead to misunderstandings or a lack of emotional depth in the relationship if not properly addressed.

Stubbornness: INTJs are known for being stubborn and having strong beliefs. Two INTJs in a relationship may find it difficult to compromise when their views or approaches differ.

Lack of Spontaneity: Both types prefer planned and structured lifestyles. There could be a lack of spontaneity and adventure in the relationship, which could lead to boredom if not addressed.

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To make a relationship between two INTJs work, both parties will need to communicate openly, understand each other's needs and preferences, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember, all individuals and relationships are unique, and personality type is just one factor among many that influence a relationship.


photo of Betty Baker

Betty Baker M.A. Psych, M.Ed

About the Author

Betty Baker is an awarded marriage and family therapist and contributor to the internationally renowned PeaceBuilders® Program - a science-based, research-validated violence prevention curriculum and professional development program for children, grades pre-K to 12.