Red boxing glove denoting discord


The INTP and ENFJ relationship can be especially challenging unless both individuals are mature and willing to appreciate their differences. The only commonality between these two personality types is their capacity for imagination, a shared interest in discussing future possibilities, and their passion for the arts (concerts, movies, museums, etc.).

Despite the potential for a strong initial attraction, historically, marriage counselors have observed that opposite types tend to marry and divorce, and then marry the same opposite type again (sometimes leading to another divorce). This suggests that once "bitten" by an opposite type, a person may develop a yearning to "complete" themselves with an opposite type.

Committed couples report the highest satisfaction when they are with someone similar to themselves, while those in an opposite-type relationship report the least overall satisfaction with themselves and their relationship. While there are successful opposite-type relationships to be had by those who seek spiritual growth and strength of character, achieving that often means walking a long path of angst, turmoil, and the surrendering or compromise of some of their favorite aspects about themselves.

love birds and hearts floating above them

Positives of an ENFJ-INTP Relationship:

Balanced Perspectives: ENFJs are typically more emotionally expressive and focus on people and feelings, while INTPs are usually logical and analytical. These differences can complement each other, leading to a balanced perspective in a relationship.

Intellectual Engagement: Both ENFJs and INTPs enjoy intellectual stimulation. They can have engaging conversations about various topics, which can deepen their bond.

Growth Opportunities: Each can learn from the other's strengths. The ENFJ can teach the INTP to be more in touch with their feelings, while the INTP can help the ENFJ to be more objective and analytical.

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Challenges of an ENFJ-INTP Relationship:

Different Social Needs: ENFJs tend to be more social and outgoing, while INTPs usually prefer more solitude. This difference in social needs can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements.

Emotional Misunderstandings: ENFJs are typically more in tune with emotions and value emotional connection, while INTPs may struggle with expressing their feelings, which could lead to miscommunications.

Structure vs. Spontaneity: ENFJs tend to prefer structure and planning, while INTPs are more spontaneous and flexible. This can create tension when making decisions and planning for the future.

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To make a relationship between an ENFJ and an INTP work, both parties will need to understand and respect each other's differences, and find a balance that suits them both. Open communication about their needs and compromises will also be crucial in this relationship. Remember, all individuals and relationships are unique, and personality type is just one factor among many that influence a relationship.


photo of Betty Baker

Betty Baker M.A. Psych, M.Ed

About the Author

Betty Baker is an awarded marriage and family therapist and contributor to the internationally renowned PeaceBuilders® Program - a science-based, research-validated violence prevention curriculum and professional development program for children, grades pre-K to 12.