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Find someone else if you are looking for a long-term relationship and want children. 

INTP's are typically known for being independent, cerebral, and logical, while ESTP's are known for being outgoing, action-oriented, and spontaneous. While these traits may make for an exciting and dynamic relationship in the short-term, they can also create a lot of conflict and tension in the long-term.

INTP's value their autonomy and need space to think and process things on their own. They tend to be more introverted and may find ESTP's to be too overwhelming and demanding of their time and attention. On the other hand, ESTP's value excitement and adventure and may find INTP's to be too reserved and unresponsive to their needs.

Additionally, INTP's and ESTP's often have very different values and priorities. INTP's tend to be more focused on ideas and abstract concepts, while ESTP's are more focused on the concrete and the here-and-now. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts over what is important in the relationship.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, this pairing is unlikely to work if you are looking to start a family and have children. INTP's and ESTP's tend to have very different parenting styles, which can create a lot of tension and conflict in the household. Furthermore, INTP's tend to be less interested in having children, and ESTP's tend to be more interested in having children, which can be a major source of conflict.

All in all, while this pairing may seem exciting and dynamic at first, it is unlikely to work in the long-term. If you're looking for a long-term relationship and want children, it's best to look for someone who shares your values and priorities.

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Positives of an INTP-ESTP Relationship:

Thinking Connection: Both INTPs and ESTPs have a Thinking preference, which means they appreciate logic and objectivity. This shared perspective can aid in mutual understanding.

Exploration and Action: ESTPs' active and adventurous nature can inspire INTPs to step out of their comfort zone, while INTPs can provide deeper insights and innovative ideas for ESTPs.

Mutual Adaptability: Both types prefer Perceiving, which means they are generally open-minded, adaptable and spontaneous. This can lead to a dynamic and flexible relationship.

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Challenges of an INTP-ESTP Relationship:

Different Focus: INTPs are future-oriented and love abstract thinking, while ESTPs are more focused on the present moment and concrete facts. This difference can lead to misunderstandings or frustration if not addressed.

Emotional Connection: Both types can struggle with expressing emotions, which could result in a lack of emotional intimacy and understanding in the relationship.

Social Preferences: ESTPs tend to be more social and outgoing, while INTPs typically prefer more solitary or one-on-one interactions. This difference may require compromise and understanding.

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To make a relationship between an INTP and an ESTP work, both parties will need to communicate openly, understand each other's needs and preferences, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember, all individuals and relationships are unique, and personality type is just one factor among many that influence a relationship.


photo of Betty Baker

Betty Baker M.A. Psych, M.Ed

About the Author

Betty Baker is an awarded marriage and family therapist and contributor to the internationally renowned PeaceBuilders® Program - a science-based, research-validated violence prevention curriculum and professional development program for children, grades pre-K to 12.