Jungian Compatibility  » ENFJ Compatibility


This can be a good match if both strive for honest and open communication about sore subjects and the "little things" that arise now and then.

Neither type deals effectively with conflict because harmony is so important to them. Both know how sensitive the other is to criticism and neither want to bruise the other's ego. Unresolved tensions will brew and become bigger than they really are without honest, slow and attentive communication.

Both require organization and routine and both depend on their mates for their support  - and both readily give it. ENFJ's can truly provide ESFJ's with the love and appreciation they crave.  

The main point of contention between these two is that ESFJ's tend to be old-fashioned and thrive on stability and simplicity while ENFJ's thrive with change and exploring the unknown and complex.

Communication styles are completely different as well.  ENFJ's prefer to speak in metaphors and analogies while ESFJ's speak in literal terms.  Over time, these differences can become unbearable.  If there are not constant efforts to understand and appreciate what the other is trying to communicate, this relationship will not last.

Positives of an ESFJ-ENFJ Relationship:

Mutual Understanding: Both ESFJ and ENFJ individuals are extraverted, feeling, and judging types. This common ground may help them understand each other's perspectives and methods of processing emotions and decision-making.

Shared Values: Both types prioritize harmony, cooperation, and interpersonal relationships, which can lead to a relationship filled with mutual respect, empathy, and shared values.

Communication Skills: Both ESFJs and ENFJs excel at communicating their thoughts and feelings. This could lead to a relationship marked by open, effective, and empathetic communication.

Challenges of an ESFJ-ENFJ Relationship:

Over-Emphasis on Harmony: As both types strongly value harmony, they might avoid necessary conflicts or negative feelings, leading to suppressed issues and unexpressed resentments.

Different Focuses: ESFJs, as Sensing types, tend to focus on the present and concrete details, while ENFJs, as Intuitive types, focus more on future possibilities and abstract ideas. This difference can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or disagreements.

Potential Overextending: Both ESFJs and ENFJs are likely to overextend themselves for others. This can lead to burnout if not carefully managed.

In short, ESFJ and ENFJ relationships can be highly rewarding, marked by shared values, mutual understanding, and strong communication. However, they also need to be aware of their tendency to avoid conflict, their different focuses, and their propensity to overextend themselves. With understanding, communication, and some compromise, these challenges can be effectively navigated.


Betty Baker M.A. Psych, M.Ed

About the Author

Betty Baker is an awarded marriage and family therapist and contributor to the internationally renowned PeaceBuilders® Program - a science-based, research-validated violence prevention curriculum and professional development program for grades pre-K to 12.