Jungian Compatibility  » ESTP Compatibility


These two are nearly total opposites - sharing only one of the four type preferences.

Historically, marriage counselors see opposite types marry and divorce and interestingly find the same opposite type to marry again (and sometimes divorce again). Once "bitten" by an opposite, a person seems to develop a yearning to "complete" one's self with an opposite type.

Statistically, it doesn't work out. Committed couples report the highest satisfaction when with those similar to themselves - while those in an opposite-type relationship report the least overall satisfaction with their individual selves and as a couple.

An ESTP and ENFJ partnership can pose a certain set of challenges, mainly due to their differing perceiving functions.

While the ENFJ, being an intuitive (N) type, tends to focus on abstract concepts and future possibilities, the ESTP, as a sensing (S) type, is more grounded in the present, relying on tangible facts and experiences. This fundamental difference might lead to miscommunication, as they may struggle to understand each other's perspectives.

Moreover, the ENFJ's preference for structure (J) might clash with the ESTP's spontaneous and flexible (P) nature. The ENFJ might see the ESTP as unreliable or inconsistent, while the ESTP could perceive the ENFJ as controlling or overly rigid.

Although both types are extraverted (E) and feeling (F), they express these traits in different ways. The ENFJ often uses their feeling function to create harmony and understand others at a deep level, while the ESTP uses theirs more for assessing the social dynamics of a situation, which can lead to conflicts if not managed properly.

In essence, while there may be moments of connection, an ESTP and ENFJ pairing can face significant hurdles due to their differing communication styles and approach to life. Mutual understanding and compromise would be critical to navigating these potential issues in a long-term romantic relationship.

There are successful opposite-type relationships to be had by those who seek spiritual growth and strength of character, but achieving that often means walking a long path of angst, turmoil, and the surrendering or compromise of some of their favorite aspects about their individual selves.

Positives of an ESTP-ENFJ Relationship:

Complementary Energy: ESTPs are spontaneous, energetic, and action-oriented, while ENFJs are nurturing, empathetic, and focused on helping others grow. This combination can create a dynamic and energetic partnership.

Shared Focus on the External World: Both ESTPs and ENFJs are extroverted types, meaning they are energized by interacting with the world around them. This can lead to a lively and active relationship, filled with shared experiences and adventures.

Balance of Thinking and Feeling: ESTPs are practical and logical, often focusing on the facts of a situation, whereas ENFJs tend to be more focused on emotions and values. This can lead to a balanced perspective in the relationship.

Challenges of an ESTP-ENFJ Relationship:

Different Communication Styles: ESTPs are direct and straightforward, while ENFJs are sensitive and considerate. This can lead to misunderstandings if the ESTP is perceived as too blunt or the ENFJ as too indirect.

Potential for Conflict Avoidance: ENFJs dislike conflict and can sometimes avoid addressing problems directly in order to maintain harmony. On the other hand, ESTPs are comfortable with conflict but may become impatient with prolonged emotional discussions.

Different Views on Planning: ENFJs typically prefer to plan ahead and think about the future, while ESTPs are more focused on the present moment and can be impulsive. This can cause friction when it comes to making decisions and planning for the future.

In conclusion, an ESTP-ENFJ relationship can be dynamic and full of shared adventures. However, it also has potential challenges around communication styles, conflict resolution, and planning for the future. Understanding and appreciating each other's differences can help this pairing navigate these potential challenges.


Betty Baker M.A. Psych, M.Ed

About the Author

Betty Baker is an awarded marriage and family therapist and contributor to the internationally renowned PeaceBuilders® Program - a science-based, research-validated violence prevention curriculum and professional development program for grades pre-K to 12.